


Am I Wrong?

by Thierry_Lei



Category: VIXX
Genre: Character Death, Children of Nobody - Freeform, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mutilation, Red Moon Blue Sun, mention of infanticide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 17:48:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17349761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thierry_Lei/pseuds/Thierry_Lei
Summary: I'm Lee Eunho. Janitor. Working at the Hanul Children's Center. Well, I worked there. Until today.





	Am I Wrong?

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILER WARNING  
> DO NOT READ THIS if you don't want spoilers of the drama 붉은 달 푸른 해  Red Moon Blue Sun / Children of Nobody  
> .  
> TRIGGER WARNING  
> READ THE TAGS!  
> (If I have missed a possible trigger, let me know)
> 
> The descriptions in this story are based on episodes 25 & 26 and earlier episodes.  
> In that drama the character Lee Eunho is played by Cha Hakyeon, leader of VIXX, which is the reason why I tagged VIXX.
> 
> Not Beta Read  
> English isn't my 1st or even 2nd language.
> 
> Crossposted on AFF.

* * *

I'm Lee Eunho. Janitor. Working at the Hanul Children's Center. Well, I worked there. Until today.

I don't think I'm an evil person. But I'm certainly not a good one. 

I'm ... a bad person. Even when I'm wearing the mask of a good person.

 

Then there's Dr. Cha Wookyung. She's a psychologist who also works at the Hanul Children's Center. 

She's a good person.

I've seen it myself. How children, traumatized by abuse, open up to her, trust her. How Dr. Cha herself does not shy away from sticky situations, that can be threatening to her own mental well being, or even her life. 

When she thought that Hana was in danger from that... that monster, that called himself her father, she didn't hesitate to drive to her place, even when she could get injured herself. 

How could he do that, killing a baby, and burying it, even jumping on that grave, just to stomp it further in the ground. I only found that out, when Hana was at the Center, found a dead bird, buried it, and jumped on that grave. No kid would have done that. Unless she or he had seen it before. That's how I concluded that Hana must have seen a burial. A burial that nobody knew about.

I gave that guy a good beating. But I was not finished with that horrible guy, by just beating him to pulp. I tortured him, pulled out his teeth, until he disclosed the burial place, where he had buried Hana's dongsaeng _[younger sibling]_. Hana's dongsaeng, killed by that abusive guy, that monster. And after I found the place I killed him.

Unfortunately Dr. Cha arrived, when I still was carving the poem into the dead body of that monster. Like I left a poem at the places of all the child abusers that I've killed. I felt sorry, that I had to incapacitate her with a cloth drenched in ether. But apart from that, I didn't hurt her. Not her.

Sigh.

Maybe I should have apologized to her.

Yes, Dr. Cha Wookyung is definitely a good person.

With everything she has, she tries to help children. Even when her own life is hard on her. She tries her utmost best to help traumatized kids.

She even tries to help me. 

Me, her kidnapper.

Because I kidnapped her, when she saw what I had done to the head director of Hanul Children's Center.

 

I know that the head director had treated his own son very badly. 

That's how his son, the current director of Hanul Children's Center, became what he is today. That's why the director treated me badly. Hitting and kicking me, when he was angry. That's how he derailed so easily, gambling, embezzling, framing others for it. 

And because he never learned to control his temper, he now had even killed somebody. The lazy fucker could not even wipe away all the traces, that pointed at him. Idiot.

But how bad the head director may have treated his son, I suspected that I was treated even worse. Especially after he had ... adopted me. Kind of.

But I didn't know for sure.

Until the memories that I had suppressed for so long, returned. With a vengeance. The pain that I've felt, because of the ... unspeakable things he did. That's why I finally found the resolve to stand up to the head director.

And killed him. 

He liked poems. Too much. 

So I stuffed all those poems down his throat. 

Literally.

The head director was an old man, depending on a wheel chair. So he couldn't run away. I had put away his rifle, where he could not reach it. And then... Gosh, his face, when I began tearing the pages out of the poetry books... all those poems, shredded. All those poems that I knew by heart. Because I had read them out loud to the head director. Every time, when he... when he... did things to me.

The fury I felt, I don't have any words for it. Not even those bloody poems have words to describe it.

And those pages with poetry that I ripped out? I pushed them in his mouth. Stuffed them in his throat. Of course he struggled. Weak as he was. But he couldn't spit those papers out. Because I pushed them in. Further and further. Harder and harder. More and more. 

O yes, he did choke on them all right.

That bastard.

 

Unfortunately Dr. Cha Wookyung... caught me. Kind of. Again.

She saw the dead body of the head director, when I had claimed earlier, that he was just a bit ill. I could see that she concluded that I had killed the head director.

I took the rifle and aimed it at her. To keep her under control. As I said, I may be a bad person, but I'm not evil.

 

And apparently Detective Kang had caught on too that I was dangerous, that I was the killer, that he wanted to arrest. 

Because he called Dr. Cha. 

With the rifle aimed at her, she took the call. I could hear how Detective Kang told her, that he suspected me of being the killer of all those child abusers. That she should stay away from me. That she should get out of the home of the head director. Detective Kang already suspected that I wanted to kill the head director. Gosh, he's really sharp.

Dr. Cha Wookyung told the detective, that she was at the home of the head director, that she would leave quickly and ... that I wasn't there!

She said that I was not there!

 

And I understand why.

She wants to help me. Even when she is afraid of me. I can see that. But I kind of trust her. I trust her, like those traumatized children trust her, enough to open up to her. 

And I trust her enough to not point the rifle continuously at her, when I sit behind her in the car. But I still took her phone, and switched it off. That way, they cannot track her when we drive away from Seoul. And what about me? Well, that's easy. I don't have a phone.

 

Dr. Cha really, really wants to help me.

How I know?

Well, ... I mean... if you're kidnapped, sitting in the driver seat of a car, and the kidnapper steps out of the car to buy some drinks, while leaving his weapon in the car, what would you do? Most people, if not all, would probably drive away with the car, leaving their kidnapper behind.

But not so with Dr. Cha Wookyung. No. I already said I trust her. Well, I was right in that case. She stayed in the car, with the rifle, while I bought some drinks for the both of us. That's ... that's the moment when I decided, to switch on her phone again.

Yes, I know.

That way the police can track me. That way Detective Kang can catch up with me. And arrest me or shoot me. Whatever.

Am I stupid?

No.

I want Detective Kang to catch up with us. 

Because he's a good person. 

A really good person. And if he arrests me or whatever, I know it's because of his principles, his sense of right and wrong. He's very diligent too.

 

I envy Detective Kang a bit. He sticks to his principles, is sure about what is right and what is wrong, and acts accordingly. People who haven't suffered much, are often like that. 

He must have had a nice life. That's why I can't help that feeling of envy coming up. But also of admiration. 

Detective Kang, he works hard, really hard, to protect people. And bring wrongdoers to justice. And all that according to his principles, his sense of right and wrong, while sticking to the rules of law. To the best of his abilities.

While I ... do not stick to those rules of law.

But Detective Kang, boy, does he stick to the rules.

 

In his rule book, killing people is wrong. So he wants to catch the killer of all those child abusers. Even when he probably can... understand why those child abusers were targeted.

Detective Kang is really a good person.

Like... I could just feel, that he did not want to arrest me a few days ago. But in the case of the murder of mr. Yoo, all evidence pointed at me. So he arrested me. 

At first I thought that he accused me because I was a nobody. Just a janitor. No parents. No family. No relations. No education. But I was really surprised to find out, that Detective Kang arrested me, based on the evidence. Not on prejudice. I found that out, when he interrogated me.

 

The accusation was that I was the murderer of mr. Yoo.

I wasn't of course. 

That man was killed by the director of the Center. You know, the son of the head director with anger management issues. I know that mr. Yoo was murdered by the director, because I had seen the CCTV footage. I had hidden the memory card with that footage.

But when Detective Kang interrogated me... he was sharp. I felt that he couldn't be fooled easily. I had to... be very careful when answering him. At that time I was still afraid of the head director. So even when there was evidence that could prove my innocence, like that CCTV footage, I did not tell. Not at that time.

 

As I finally was cleared of those charges, Detective Kang gave me some advice. I think he already suspected that something fishy had been going on between the head director and me. So he asked me, whether I would accept advice from a hyung. _[older brother of a man]_

He called himself my hyung!

My hyung!

I've never had a hyung. Or noona. _[older sister of a man]_

Anyway, he advised me to get away from the head director. I ... could not follow that advice. Not at that time.

 

But I'll never forget how it felt, when he called himself my hyung. Hyung. My hyung. I know many many poems. But not one of those poems, had words sweeter than carried by the voice of Detective Kang. 

Hyung!

My Hyung!

And that's why I say, that Detective Kang is a good person. A really good person!

 

We finally arrive at the lighthouse on the jetty build of concrete blocks. It's a nice place. A pretty place. With less pretty memories attached to it.

It's here that I've been found, when I was 2 or 3 years old. Apparently I was abandoned here by my mother. I don't remember it. But it's what they've told me.

A pretty place it still is.

A pretty place where I became an orphan.

 

It's also a pretty place, where I can finally confirm, what I had suspected all along: that Dr. Cha Wookyung worked together with Detective Kang Jiheon to create a slightly distorted story about that abused boy Siwan. I already found that story familiar, but also confusing because of the distortions. That boy had visited the center quite a few times.

Dr. Cha and Detective Kang worked together to lure and catch the killer of all those child abusers. 

To lure and catch me.

Because I'm a bad person.

I'm bad, because others feel guilt, remorse when they have killed a human being. I didn't and still don't. Not when they were mistreating children. What I felt when I killed child abusers? Not guilt. Not remorse. For me it's the same feeling I have, when I take out the trash, after doing some cleaning in the Center.

 

Ah!

Detective Kang has arrived. With lots of reinforcements. More detectives. Police officers. Armed response units with heavier fire arms. Of course. I'm a kidnapper. With a hostage. And a rifle. And I suspect the detective knows that I'm a damn good rifle shooter. It must have been in the file from when he arrested me earlier. The other officers must have been briefed about that too.

I step out of the car, and tell Dr. Cha to do the same. And then I aim the rifle. Straight at her head.

Because I have to kill Dr. Cha.

No, she is not a child abuser.

But she is like me.

Or more, she has the possibility to become like me.

I know that she has repressed memories. And when I see her eyes, I recognize that look. The same look I had, before my memories returned. Memories that can torment you the rest of your life. With enough pain for ten lifetimes.

I want to spare her that pain.

 

I see how the police offers have pulled their weapons, all aiming at me, and fire a warning shot in their direction. I don't want to shoot them, because I have no reason to kill them. And I certainly do not want to kill Detective Kang.

I hear him yelling to the others, ordering them not to shoot, unless he tells them. He sounds very commanding. And my admiration for him grows even more. Even in this situation, he's trying his best. For me. To save me, I guess. 

Even when he knows I'm a bad person. Even when he must have found my letter, in which I confessed having killed all those people. With extra evidence on an USB stick.

 

Again I aim my rifle at Dr. Cha Wookyung. That look, there it is again. The look I recognize too well. The look of repressed memories. That will unleash so much pain, when they are remembered again.

The best thing I can do for Dr. Cha, is shoot her, kill her, so those memories, long suppressed, cannot hurt her. That way... I can prevent her from becoming like me, a bad person, tormented by memories that should have stayed hidden.

The police officers will probably shoot me then. But that's okay. Really okay. In that case I'll die too. And my pain, my torments will finally end.

 

Dr. Cha pleads with me for her life. Not because she is afraid to die. But because she does not want her daughter to see me, Lee Eunho, as the man who killed her mother. 

Even now, with her own life on the line, she is trying to help me. Trying to save me. Trying to save my image.

As I've said: She's a good person. Really, really, really good.

 

And she's good in what she's doing too. That's why she is a psychologist at Hanul Children's Center. I lower my rifle. Because she almost convinces me. 

Almost.

 

But I finally find my resolve. To kill her. To spare her the pain. The pain that will torment her. Like it torments me.

I raise the rifle.

Load.

Aim.

A gunshot

 

Pain.

Searing pain.

Weakness.

I can't keep standing anymore.

I fall. 

I see the sky.

The horrified face of Dr. Cha Wookyung.

 

I've been shot. 

A single shot. 

I've heard Detective Kang ordering everyone to hold their fire, unless he says otherwise. So it must be him who shot me. Detective Kang shot me. Incapacitating me. Risking to kill me.

But... I don't resent him for doing that. Not a bit.

Because I know. in every fibre of my being, that he was convinced that he was right.

And that I was wrong.

 

So... I must indeed have been wrong.

Wrong in wanting to shoot Dr. Cha. 

Wrong to take the decision away from her.

Wrong to prevent her from possibly remembering.

And that's why he must have shot me. Better risking one dead person than two. From a good person like Detective Kang, I'm prepared to receive such a judgement. Even if it means that I will die.

 

Huh?

He's... near me. The sky that I could see before, it's now filled with the face of Detective Kang. He's looking at me. Screaming my name, Lee Eunho. Screaming at me to stay alive, pressing on the wound, trying to stop the bleeding.

Even now, trying to save me.

Gosh, he's really such a good person.

No, a good hyung!

My hyung!

Having a hyung...

How would my life have been, if I had such a hyung?

 

Ah, the pain ... fades.

Wishful thinking won't do any good now, but ...

I wish I had not been abandoned by my mother.

I wish I had grown up in a normal family.

I wish I had a noona, like Dr. Cha Wookyung.

I wish I had a hyung, like Detective Kang Jiheon.

I wish I had...

I wish...

I...

I.

.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I think that Cha Hakyeon is a good actor. I've felt that way for a while now. But the way he portrayed Lee Eunho in the kdrama 붉은 달 푸른 해 (lit. title: 'Red Moon Blue Sun', English title 'Children of Nobody') was more than good in my opinion. I'm quite convinced that great chemistry exists between Cha Hakyeon, Lee Yikyung (actor playing Detective Kang Jiheon) and Kim Sunah (actress playing dr. Cha Wookyung), to bring out Lee Eunho like this.  
> Episode 25-26 was ... devastating is maybe a big word, but it comes close. But it somehow lead me to writing this, how I have perceived the character of Lee Eunho.  
>   
> It's possible that some of my guesses of how Lee Eunho thinks and has acted were totally wrong, of course.


End file.
